we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
