its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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