respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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