I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
