my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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