Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
