her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
