Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
