I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He passed out mid-signature
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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