His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
