How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
