You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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