overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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