Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
