oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
