I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
