I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
