He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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