Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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