If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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