what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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