If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
