I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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