Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
