She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
