You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
