What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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