I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
