Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found your dick twin last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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