it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
