Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
