she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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