remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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