Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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