u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
