i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
