We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
