how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
