I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
