Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
