Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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