A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
