now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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