So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
