but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
