dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
