Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
