between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
