Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
