I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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