I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
