I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize