dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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