Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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