oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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