Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
