if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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