I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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