I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize