I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
