My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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