a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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