Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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