I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
