There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Help. Why am I so naked?
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