I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she told me i tasted like america
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
