I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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