I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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